Part Jay. Part Joe. Part stolen borrowed from better blogs.

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  • Damn it. Why did I never join the military??? I mean, a FREE BLOOMIN' ONION?!? Those veterans get all the perks.
  • Chardonnay in a plastic cup with ice cubes, microwaved frozen white castles on a paper towel. Dinner of champions.
  • I just ousted @dan_o_mite as the mayor of Walmart on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/7q1SRo
  • Well, there's 9 minutes and 32 seconds of my life I'll never get back.
  • doesn't want to be a pie